Early on in my relationship with Gary, I had no idea what submission really meant. I was recovering from a very serious operation, and I had no concept of what recovery really meant. I was gung-ho for getting as much as my life back as I could, quickly. Gary was adamant that I should get as much rest as I needed.
In retrospect, he was very much right. But I was stubborn, and had no idea of what being taken care of meant yet. So he put limits on my activities: one activity a day, and only with his permission so he would know if I was going to hurt myself trying or not. Now back then, even taking a bath needed the aid my homemaker. So you get the drift, everything was a hazard to me. And one fall would put me right back in the hospital.
But life kept on happening bed ridden or not, and eventually, after one commitment too many, Gary put a huge punishment on me. I had to call him after any phone conversation I had, after any visitor, after just about anything that remotely resembled a decision. And I was not allowed to make a decision without a discussion with him!
I was mortified. How do you tell your physiotherapist that you had to make a short call before you can schedule your next date?
Needless to say, I was not perfect at calling Gary. It's almost impossible to not make decisions, small or big, and call each time. But such was the nature of the punishment. On the third day of this, I had just received a phone call from a neighbor who was just going for her final examinations in Reflexology, a form of massage. She had to do certain amount of ‘Practical Time’ to pass, and the sessions were of no charge. She knew I was not well and she wanted to practice her skill on me: her effort was to help, and she wanted me to schedule a date.
| 3. Relationship reaches beyond|
Well...I made an appointment. But then I had to call Gary and tell him. Frankly I tried to bamboozle him. But he's not easily led astray; his mind is built for big business. So, finally, in complete misery, I told him the truth and why. He was completely quiet on his end of the phone. In utter dejection, I asked him what he was going to do with me. I mean, I had disobeyed with intent, there.
His answer? He knew I felt bad. And he also knew that I was not likely to forget this anytime soon. His response to me was this: “Now is not the time to come down on you. You feel bad enough. We can talk about this another time when we are together. Thank you for telling me the truth. I love you.” And I started to cry. But it also led me to plead for this punishment to be taken off, which it was.
This set the tone for our relationship. To this day, he has never been hard on me when I make a mistake. It does get resolved, but I have no fear. And in turn, I do not come down hard on others when they make mistakes. It's often shocking when I lend support to someone when they know they are in the wrong. But that is my own personal idea of how a relationship reaches beyond the couple to include others in the positive aspects.
Yes, that's exactly how it has worked for us. Before, he would have come in and completely blown his top about the state of the house, and I would have been angry and defensive and sullen, and I would have felt as if I absolutely hated him and wished I'd never met him etc. I nver felt before as though I actively wanted to please him, whereas now I do.
Leaving the house in a mess isn't something that terrible, but it's something that drives him crazy, so having him keep his temper about it was painfully touching, having him being kind but slightly stern instead of yelling at me, added to the fact that I have been in a rather over-emotional state lately anyway, this combination led to the tears, and then to my husband's alarm that he might have upset me, whereas it was his not upsetting me that had upset me, as it were.
If I'd been in a state of sullen defiance like I used to be in the past when he had a go at me about something, and he'd grabbed me and started spanking me with the intention of making me feel remorse, it would simply not have worked. It was those words "we need to have a little talk when we get home" that produced that mixture of guilt and remorse and yes, also pleasurable excitement at the contemplation of the "little talk" (the after-effects of which I am still feeling).
You often mention that getting spanked is always a big turn on for you. So then why does your husband spank you for not cleaning up the house? Seems like if you enjoy it so much it`s more like a reward. A punishment spanking is not a turn on for me, and if it were, I would do things wrong on purpose just to get it.
And about getting angry during a spanking. That would be the last thing on my mind. I might be angry before, but the minute he gets ready to spank me the anger turns into submission.
| 6. The turn-on of punishment|
Is a turn-on for me, but I would never do things on purpose in order to get spanked, except occasionally for a little mild provocative impertinence or teasing, which occurs from time to time. The occasional temptation to do something that might provoke 'real' punishment is something I suppress, because it just wouldn't be right.
Our agreement, when we started having a relationship, was that I would make more of an effort to do things the way my husband wanted, not argue with him about things etc, and he would make more of an effort not to lose his temper with me. This pact we made sealing "the new era of detente" as my husband calls it has mostly worked out pretty well.
I toyed with the idea, in the beginning, that spankings could become 'serious' discipline. When I suggested to my husband that they could be 'real' discipline and not just erotic, he took me at my word and considerably increased the length, severity and frequency of the spankings I get. I found that the only result, though, was that they became an even more strongly erotic experience. The degree of apprehension I feel beforehand has increased, likewise the pain during, but the after-effect is always that I feel happy, calm, relaxed and very submissive.
Being rebuked for not having tidied the house made me feel genuinely sorry, because he was so nice about it, firm, calm and not at all aggressive. I don't normally cry when he tells me off about things, and it's just as well, because he was considerably disconcerted. He thought he'd upset me but he hadn't, it was more complex than that, he'd upset me by not upsetting me, and I was in a rather emotional state at the time anyway.
If I do feel angry he can generally put a stop to it by just being firm and decisive with me, that makes me feel submissive again, then I am ready to be spanked any time he wants to. For myself, I need to be in a calm state before I can submit, I can't be spanked into submission. it just doesn't work that way for me.
Occasionally he takes me by surprise, as on the day last week when he announced that he had been reading some of the things I had said about his driving on this site. This led to a prolonged and extremely painful session with the dreaded steel ruler, to teach me, as he explained, to be more respectful when discussing him on this site. This was totally unexpected, but I had no defense to offer. My sins had found me out.
I suppose he could think up some other punishment, something that I wouldn't find erotic, but I don't think it would occur to him; his mind doesn't really run much on punishments apart from spanking. In any case, I find the whole notion of being punished by him so powerfully erotic that I think any other punishment would probably become a turn-on too.